Mirrors Are A Curse
by cupcakeloversunite001
Summary: This fanfiction is called Mirrors Are A Curse. After suffering from poor body image America tries to change this by taking extreme measures. Warning! Anorexic!America, RusAme, depressed!America, and things like that. Don't like, don't read. Eventual Yaoi. Trigger warning for self harm.
1. The Beginning Of A Dangerous Game

**Summary and Title**_**:**_ This fanfiction is called Mirrors Are A Curse. After suffering from poor body image America tries to change this by taking extreme measures. Warning! Anorexic!America, RusAme, depressed!America, and things like that. Don't like, don't read. Eventual Yaoi.

**Rated M:** This chapter will only be rated T, but the whole fanfiction will be rated M. Mostly this chapter has cursing and poor body image.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, Captain America, and things like that.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first multi-chaptered fanfic. I don't know how many chapters there will be, but hopefully this will turn out well. Translations will be at the bottom. Please tell me what you think! So, for now, enjoy!

* * *

"_You're such a fat-ass Amerika." said a Russian voice echoing throughout the huge halls._

"_W-what? I-I love you. How could you say that?" Said America, feeling as though his heart would break. Russia finally was leaving him because he wasn't good enough. "R-Russia, please don't leave me!"_

"_до свидания, Amerika." Said the tall Russian walking out the door to God knows where._

* * *

"Russia!" America screamed as he woke up in a cold sweat. "Oh, it was just a dream."

America sat up and looked at the familiar surroundings, glad to know that he was in his huge apartment instead of the unknown mansion where his dreams were frequently placed as of late. He thought about his dream and how he…. how he dreamed of Russia leaving him? How ridiculous, he and Russia were not even together!

He eventually debated to get up and get out of bed, against his own judgment to sleepily look at his Captain America themed clock. As he did this he found the time to be 8:05.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed as he threw on a clean suit that he had thankfully set out the night before.

"Okay, maybe if I hurry I can make it to the airport on time!" He quickly went to the bathroom and stepped on the scales, frowned and went to the mirror and checked his stomach progress. He still had slight pudge (That he was just imagining.) and a very round face, it made him almost embarrassed.

He stayed in the mirror longer than necessary before grabbing his suitcase and heading to the airport to the flight for Italy.

* * *

Luckily, he got onto the plane just in time and arrived there safely. It took all of his strength to resist the food he was offered on the plane, but he had to be strong, for his people.

He went to the hotel building where he would be staying for the duration of this World Meeting. He heard that they nations would be sharing rooms. He just hoped that he would either room with Canada or England.

When he eventually went to the hotel that he was told to go he was greeted with an overly excited Italy.

"Ciao America! Um, let's see, you will be staying in a-room 245!" Italy said holding out the hotel key for America

"Thanks dude, that's sounds cool." America took the key from Italy nodding as he walked past.

He wonder down the long halls, the carpet being a beautiful, rich, red. When he saw the room number 245, he took a deep breath and went inside. However, when he saw the room, his roommate was the last person he was expecting.

* * *

**A/N:**Hm, so I wonder who America's new roommate is... Okay, so that was my shitty attempt at a cliffhanger, but you can't blame me for trying! So, if you do happen to come across this, tell me who you think the roommate is. I have some chapters planned out already, but I'm going away for dance somewhere for five weeks, so I don't know when I'll be able to update this. Now for the translations!

до свидания-do svidaniya- goodbye.

Ciao- hello

Thanks so much for reading and it would mean the world to me if you were to tell me how this is! Reviews make me write faster!


	2. Alcohol Is Truth City

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

**A/N: **Wow, I just wanted to say thank you. I was not expecting the positive response last chapter because it was so short. I am very touched. I'm thinking I'm going to update every Sunday, though as I said last week I am going somewhere for a five week intensive. I'll try to update as often as I can. Here are cookies for all of you! *passes out cookies and huggles* Also, this chapter is going to mention a few pairings such as FrUk, PruCan, and of course RusAme. Translations and comments will be at the bottom. Also, there is a serious note that I would like you to read about this fanfiction. Alright, thank you so much!

Enjoy~

**Rated M: **For sexual content, no sex just yet. Also, as always cursing, and alcoholic consumption should be responsible, I'm not condoning intoxication.

* * *

"Privet Amerika, I was not aware that I was rooming with you. Which side of the room do you want?" Russia said, starting to unpack his clothes. America has never seen Russia without his long, beige coat.

After standing there stupidly for a while, getting over the initial shock and pain, he put his stuff on the opposite bed. '_Why, Italy, why?'_ He thought to himself as he set out a mumbled "This one."

"Is there something wrong Amerika? You are too quiet.. And you look like shit. Are you sick?" Russia pulled his full attention to America eventually walking up to him and feeling his forehead, causing America to grow flustered. "You are not warm."

Of course America couldn't tell Russia the real reason on why he looked like he did. _'Oh yeah, Russia, the reason why I look like shit is because I haven't eaten in a few days. Don't worry, I'll be fine because I'm the hero!.' _Yeah, because that option seemed so favorable.

"Um.. Yeah, I'm just n-not feeling well." America lied taking a few steps away from the much taller nation.

Much to America's relief and to Russia's suspicion another nation happened to walk in.

Canada to opened the door carefully. "Hey Al... Oh, am I interrupting something? I wanted to invite you out for a drink."

"Oh, um Mattie! No! You weren't interrupting anything. Is anyone coming with us?"

Canada eyed Russia and sighed. It looks like he was going to have to invite Russia too. "Yeah, of course England wants to come and France. Italy is dragging Germany along and Pru is always up to getting beer. Russia, would you like to come with us?"

Russia examined the two brothers and decided that there is no harm against him getting vodka. "Da, I will come."

* * *

Everyone at the bar was having a great time. There was laughing and the air was free from tension. America, Canada, England, and France were all at the same table having a laugh and everyone was having pasta, courtesy of Italy. That is, everyone except America.

England gave a worried look to America when he saw that he was not racing to get seconds. "Hey, America are you alright? You are usually gorging yourself by now."

America snapped out of his daze. "Uh, yeah. I just ate before I came here, that's all! I'm totally trying to eat healthy."

England completely bought the lie, which made the American feel a little guilty. "Alright, good for you America."

France smiled and got up from his seat. "Ah bon, are you still aloud to have a drink mon cher? I will get it for you and Angleterre.

America debated for a second and looked at England who nodded. "Yeah, sounds awesome."

"Did anyone say something about being awesome?" Prussia went up to them and drank a swig of beer.

Canada immediately got up from his seat and gave Prussia a quick peck on the lips. "Yeah, France is just getting us a drink."

"Hey Birdie, you should come back to the hotel with the awesome me~." Prussia took another sip of his beer.

Canada quickly smirked before pulling Prussia by the arms our of the hotel.

America laughed and looked at a very confused England. "What the bloody hell just happened?"

When France came back they both saw that he came back with quite a bit of alcohol. "Here you go mes petits choux." He set the alcohol in front of the two nations.

"Dude, Francy-pants, are you trying to get us drunk?"

France gave a reassuring smile. "Non, I am just trying to make sure you have enough. Or are you two a lightweight?"

"Totally not! It's Iggy who is a lightweight!"

England scowled, "I am not a lightweight, you git."

France flashed a quick smirk. "Then why don't you two prove it? How about a drinking contest between you two?"

America flashed a smile to England. "Totally! How about it Iggy!"

England sighed and took the beer and drank a sip against his better judgment. "Fine."

"Awesome!" America fist bumped the air and drank a sip of beer as well.

Russia smirked as he heard the events behind him. This would be a perfect chance to exploit the two nations being drunk. To make his America one with him. What's wrong with that anyway? That was probably France's plan the whole time.

"I will be the judge, da?" Russia said as he sat uncomfortably close to America.

America blushed slightly, "Sure dude, if you want."

-_An Hour Later-_

England laid on the table with a drink still in his hand. "Am I Catholic or Protestant? I don't know."

America hiccupped, "Iggy! You are totally drunk! Looks like the ultimate hero is the winner!"

America got up from the booth about to have a victory shot, but when he got up he stumbled into Russia's arms. Russia's arms are unexpectedly warm, like a giant teddy bear. The scariest teddy bear in the world.

"Looks like you are intoxicated as well comrade." Russia helped America up to his feet.

"But dude, you had like, three or four bottles of vodka!"

Russia thought for a second. "Da, I am as you call drunk as well." He lied too easily and he doubted America could see through that lie is his current state.

France smiled, looks like he and Russia had the same goal. "Angleterre, we should probably call a cab and head back to the hotel~."

Since all of the other nations already left, the cab for France and England came pretty quickly. However when they left, that left Russia and America alone, well mostly alone. The workers were working on closing the bar, paying no attention to the two nations, mostly just hoping that they would leave.

"Hey R-Russia, we should probably leave."

"Da, we should. I'll call the cab."

* * *

When they got back to the hotel around midnight they found that it was empty, the nations must of went to bed early to prevent the inevitable hangover in the morning.

They opened their hotel room and turned on the lights, America decided to avoid the mirror. There were two queen sized beds and the room was lavishly decorated.

"Hey, Russia. What d'ya wanna do? I'm totally not ready to go to bed." America said as he flopped on the bed.

Russia went to the bed so that he was on top of America, their faces inches away from each other. "I have a few things in mind. What do you want to do Amerika?"

Russia closed the space between them and their lips came together in a surprisingly gentle kiss. At first America stood there, as stiff as a bored, not kissing back, but with a little coaxing on Russia's part, they eventually engaged in a mutual open-mouthed kiss. America enjoyed all the sensations that his clouded mind let him enjoy, but he didn't want Russia to see his body until his goal was completed. He didn't know when his goal was completed, but he figured he would know when he got there.

Russia started kissing down America's neck. "R-Russia? I'm not-don't want sex yet."

Russia sighed and considered continuing, but America's consent mattered. "Alright Fredka." He got off of America and rolled to the other side of the bed.

"Thanks dude, um can I still sleep here.. In the same bed with ya?"

Russia smiled, at least it was a small victory. "Yes, you may."

Russia got up and turned off the light and went to bed. He was surprised when America cuddled up next to him, but welcomed the attention. He hoped America would stay by his side.

-_Morning-_

Surprisingly, America was the first one to wake up, but he just thought Russia was tired. However, when he got out of bed, he had a slitting headache so he went to the bathroom to get Tylenol. He saw the mirror immediately. With a little bit of restraint, he quickly got two pills and swallowed them with water that he got from the sink.

When he saw the mirror, all he saw was fat. He lifted up his shirt and tried pinching his stomach. He pinched so hard, he got bruises. He sighed and looked to the toilet, then looked to the mirror. '_I'll become perfect you just watch.' _He stuck his finger down his throat and threw up what little he already had in his stomach. He washed his hands, flushed the toilet, then brushed his teeth. Then he sprayed some of the provided some of the available air freshener.

He took one last look at the mirror before leaving and turning of the light. He went back to the bed with Russia, careful not to disturb the sleeping nation. He eventually went back to sleep thinking over and over again _'Please don't leave me like in the dream.'_

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, sorry that this took SO long. The internet was our for a couple of days and we were traveling before that. Again, thank you so much for your comments and follows and everything. Here are some responses to some of the reviews that you left me.

kawtharthegreat: Thank you so much and here is your update. I'm so glad you thought that it wasn't shitty!

ThrowUpGuts: Here is the update!

jrap: You made my day! Thank you!

Guest: Yes, it is Russia! However, you are truly awesome for saying Belarus! I honestly considered this, but I found putting Russia with him almost necessary.

MapleTreeway: Love the name by the way. I read your stories all of the time. Yes, you are correct!

Odji: Yes, the last chapter was very short because I was trying a new thing where the intro was short. though expect the every chapter form here on out to be around 1,000 or so words. I'm glad it made you curious!

**Here are the translations**_:_

Privet: Hello (informal)

Amerika: America

Da: Yes

Ah bon: Oh, really

Mon cher: My dear

Angleterre: England

Mes petits choux: My little cabbages

So, I seriously want to thank you so much, I can't stress enough how thankful I am. I thought that I will go ahead an make some serious comments. This fanfiction in no way is making fun of anyone with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are not something that should be played around with. Also, this fanfiction will not show anyone how to properly handle someone with an eating disorder. If you, or if you know someone who has an eating disorder seek help right away before it is too late. Thank you. Here are some numbers for help lines if you need them. Also, I don't know you, but if you need help I'm always here for anyone who needs help.

1-800-273-TALK (It's free, and it is for anyone who is feeling like America.)

-cupcakeloversunite001


	3. It's Just Some Juice

**Disclaimer:**I do not own anything.

**A/N:**First of all I wanted to say... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! Also, happy belated birthday to the forgotten Canadia. Anyway, to celebrate their special day, I decided to come out with a new chapter! You MIGHT get another chapter on Sunday, but I don't think that will happen, so no promises. Thank you for your comments, favorites, and follows. They mean so much~! As always, translations and responses to the comments are on bottom.

**Rated:** This chapter is rated T, mainly because of cursing. Though it does have a trigger warning for self harm

* * *

Russia woke up with an unusually warm body next to him. At first, he tried to push it off, but when it groaned he realized it was America and cuddled him closer.

America turned around and opened his eyes to find Russia two inches away from his face. When he jumped Russia giggled and kissed him on the nose.

"доброе утро, Amerika."

"Umm good morning to you too.. How did I get here?"

Russia sat up and stretched. "Hm, you were drunk last night and you asked if you could sleep with me, I said yes."

America blushed heavily and laughed half-heartedly, "Dude, I'm sorry about that.. Did we um, did we do anything else?"

"Sex?" When America nodded Russia smirked. Oh, decisions. "Da, we did. In my defense we were both drunk." He lies too easily.

"Oh, okay. What time is it?" America sat up as well and rubbed his eyes, still half asleep.

Russia glanced at the nearby clock. "It is half past eight. If we get up we can still have breakfast."

America perked up, all of the sudden awake. "Breakfast?" He had a slight panic to his voice.

Russia eyed him curiously. "Da, breakfast. Are you not hungry?"

_'Okay, Alfred, here is some wiggle room, you can't quit yet.' _"No, dude, I'm totally not hungry I'll just stay here and order some juice or something."

"You cannot speak Italian, and there is juice downstairs. I also have not seen you eat anything since you have been here. just eat something small."

America got up, surprised that his clothes are on, considering Russia said that they had sex. "Uh, no dude. I'm still...uh. Not feeling well. I'm also totally tired and sore from the stuff that we did last night!"

Russia couldn't believe what he just heard. First of all, the American wasn't yelling at him and calling him a "commie bastard". Also, he though that America would yell at him for taking advantage of "the hero" when he was drunk and defenseless. Something about this just isn't right. Also, he completely lied about the fact that they even had sex. Maybe England would know, not that he's worried or anything.

"Da, if you say so. I will leave now." Russia took his room key and shut the door behind him.

America breathed a sigh of relief. "That was WAY to close. I gotta be more careful next time. Fuck, my head still hurts anyway." He crawled back into bed and went back to sleep. Thinking about what sex with Russia was like and how he would reach his goal.

* * *

Russia came down for breakfast just as the other nations had. He quickly heard England yelling at France for god knows what.

"Hey um Russia?" He heard a quiet voice along with someone that looked just like America.

"Amerika? I thought you were upstairs, resting."

Canada let out a heavy sigh. "Uh, no, it's Canada." Is that really so hard to remember?

"My apologies Canada, do you need anything?" Russia smiled innocently.

"Uh, no-yes. Yeah. Al is acting strange. Before we left, I was hanging out with him, and I could tell he was upset, but trying to hide it, so I offered to buy him McDonald's. He declined. He seems to be more depressed now, he's spacing our more than usual. I haven't seen him eat anything either."

Russia was extremely surprised to hear this and 'slightly' worried. He noticed something different in the American as soon as the once energetic nation walked in their shared hotel room.

"Da, I noticed a change as well. I will bring him some food and I will see what is wrong with him."

"Don't count on him telling you, but thank you. Tell him I will be up later."

"Alright. Farewell Canada."

"Bye." Canada left to go sit with Prussia, who was trying to hide a limp.

Smirking , Russia went to go get America some food. Thanks to Italy, he had the hotel managers make breakfast from around the world. He grabbed America a waffle and some juice, and for him blini.

* * *

"Amerika? Are you awake" Russia looked over America holding food.

"Don't wanna be awake, hangover." _What is he holding? Holy shit, he has food!_

"Yes, but it is good to eat when you have a hangover. Here, at least have the juice."

"But, dude, I totally don't feel good."

"Your brother will be up later.

"Fine, give me the plate." He took the plate and juice away from Russia quickly.

"Good choice." Russia gave a (creepy) smile.

"Yeah whatever, do you mind?" America shooed him away.

"Fine I'll leave."

Russia left, leaving America all alone. America sighed and looked down at the food. He got up and flushed it down the toilet and watched his needed calories go away. He smiled because he knew he would get away with this very easily. He sat back on his bed with his plate and his cup empty, hoping that they would buy his lies.

* * *

Canada's P.O.V.

I hate worrying for my brother like this. I hate not knowing what's wrong with him. He may drive me crazy and people may mistake me for him, but I love him, so I decided to go and visit him.

I knocked on his hotel room door and it took a good two minutes before he answered it.

"Hey bro!" He said with an obviously fake smile and led me to his bed. To my surprise and my relief, the plate and the juice were gone.

"Good, you ate Al?"

He flashed his 'Hollywood grin' "Yeah, I'm just not feeling well at all."

I was naturally worried for my brother. "I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay bro! It's not your fault!"

I then noticed something trickling down his wrist. It was red it was...blood. You can imagine my panic and my surprise when I saw the crimson hell, and realizing it was probably self inflicted on purpose.

"Al you're bleeding! What the fuck happened!"

All of the color left Al's face and he looked understandably panicked. He grabbed his arm defensively. "Well...I...uh.."

* * *

**A/N:** So here is the update for the next chapter! I hope you like it!

**Translations:**

доброе утро-Good morning

Da- Yes

Amerika- America

**Comments:**

MapleTreeway: Here is your chapter, and I decided to make France a pervert so...that happened...

Odji: Yeah, America is an idiot, but I love him that way. Drunk nations are adorable!

ThrowUpGuts: :D

Guest: She is crazy enough to do that!

xxurielxx: Yes, I see what you mean. I don't think Alfred saw it as empty calories, he saw it as a way to feel better. I found it helpful for the story to move along. I hope I keep you interested!

Thank you everyone so much~


	4. There Is Always A Reason

**A/N:** So, it was originally my plan to give you all another chapter last Sunday, because of all of the follows and reviews and everything. However, the internet went out again, it honestly sucks. Because of my limited time on the internet, and it being really weird, this is completely unedited So, in the worse case scenario, I am going to have troubles updating a lot until I get back from the dance intensive I am doing. Though once I get back you should expect more frequent and patterned updates. I'm soooo sorry.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own.

**Rated M:** For self harm, anorexia, cursing, I guess drug use, but not really. No editing whatsoever.

* * *

Canada scooted closer to America and put his own hand on his shoulder. "You can tell me Al, I won't judge."

America sighed and looked his brother. "I...um.. It's honestly no big deal."

"If it's not a big deal, then you can tell me. Please Al, I love you."

"Umm. This is my first time." Alfred blushed and averted his brother's gaze.

"Alfie, you could have come to me if you needed anything...You didn't have to do...this."

"I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize.. But can I see it?"

"No..." America stood up

"Al, please. I want to help you..."

"Mattie, I want you to leave."

"W-what?"

"I want you to leave. Now. Don't tell Iggy about this, this is our secret." America pointed to the door.

Canada felt tears in in eyes, he was really unused to seeing his brother like this. "Al, you need help, just talk to me!"

"Mattie promise me you won't tell anyone. If you do, I'll never trust you ever again."

Deciding against his better judgment to have his brother trust him. "Al, I promise that I won't tell. I'm going to ask you again. How long have you been doing...this?"

"Uh.. Well.. This is totally my first time doing anything like this. I promise."

Canada raised his eyebrows. "Oh really Al."

"Uh-uh."

"Since the last time we have seen each other, what have you eaten?"

"Why does it matter?"

Canada swallowed a lump in his throat, telling himself not to cry. "It does matter Al."

"Fine, I ate breakfast here. I told you I wasn't feeling good." America gave Canada a defiant look.

"No Al, you told me were on a diet." Canada gave a quick hug to his brother. "You can tell me Al."

"I want you to leave." America got up from his bed and pointed to the door.

"Alfie, please don't make me leave you alone!"

"Just leave Mattie."

Canada let out a small hiccup before nodding. "Alfie, if you ever need someone to talk to, just come to me. Please, okay? I love you. You're my brother."

When Canada left America went to the bathroom, Immediately cleaning the blood that has betrayed him. Now that Canada knows, who else will he tell? He changed shirts quickly before Russia came back and left the hotel room, not telling anyone he had left.

America walked along the streets alone, more depressed than ever. He didn't even care when it started heavily raining. He decided to go into an Italian department store.

He noticed the store was a lot smaller than what it would be back in America, though he found himself wondering around, he happened upon what he supposed as the diet section. He saw these pills that had an English translation on them. America's eyes widened when he found that they were diet pills. He got out his wallet and found he had just enough money for the pills.

He walked to the cash register and paid for the pills, barely getting away with the little Italian that knew.

He noticed when he was walking to the hotel, he was hungrier than ever. The pain in his stomach was almost unbearable. He also more than a little weak, like he just couldn't take one more step. He felt too heavy for his legs to carry him. He had to sit down at the park bench, just for a moment. Then he would walk back to the hotel. He quickly hid the pills in his pocket and sat down quickly, feeling like he was going to faint.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me..." He frowned when he saw a familiar white-haired and violet-eyed figure walk along the street.

"Amerika? I was not expecting to see you here. Are you alright? You are looking worse than earlier." Russia sat next to the younger nation

"Yeah, just really tired."

"Oh, I apologize for that"

"Don't be bro!" America laughed half-heartedly.

Russia pulled out some vodka. "Do you want some?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"Your loss." Russia shrugged and took a sip from the vodka bottle.

After a long and equally awkward silence, Russia found some quiet snoring on his shoulder. He smiled when he saw the nation asleep and decided to not wake up the peaceful looking American. Come to think of it, this is the most peaceful America has looked for awhile.

He gently picked up America and noticed that America was fairly light, maybe about ten pounds less than what Russia thought he would be, but perhaps it was just his imagination.

Russia carried America all the way to the hotel. When Canada saw Russia carrying his brother his heart dropped and followed them to Russia and America's shared room.

Russia placed the sleeping nation onto his bed and kissed his forehead.

"Hey, um Russia?" Canada stood awkwardly at the door.

"Da?" Russia's eyes widened in shock. Did Canada see him kiss his brother?

"There is something wrong with Al, I don't want to go to England, because he would freak out. I just want Alfie to make sure that he has people to talk to if there is something wrong with him."

"What is wrong with him?" Russia looked at the nation on his bed.

"It started before we left here..."

* * *

**A/N: **Yay! This chapter is done! So, um, sorry this took so long, so I really don't have anything to say. I'm going to bed now.

**Comments:**

Odji: Well, here is your update. Hm, I wonder if Russia will tell America too.

MapleTreeway: At least they try!

gintama200: Here is your update!


	5. Finding Out

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Wow, this fanfiction is getting many wonderful reviews, follows, favorites, and it was even posted on a blog on tumblr! I just want to thank you so much, this seriously means so much. I still haven't figured out how many chapters this will be. Probably ten or eleven? Chapters will get a little more graphic and things like that from here on out, though it shouldn't be too bad. Also, I don't know if I will be able to update next week. I will try though. Without further delay, here is your chapter!

**Disclaimer:**All I own is the story. I don't own Hetalia, though if I did, there would be so much yaoi.

**Rated M+:**This chapter will be graphic, if it bothers you, then don't read this chapter. It has inappropriate drug use, graphic descriptions of self harm, cursing, and anorexia. You have been warned.

* * *

"Matvey, I want you to tell me what is wrong with Fredka." Russia pulled out two chairs for them to sit in. He had a feeling this would be a long talk.

"I think America is hurting himself." Canada sat down in the chair across from the much taller nation.

Russia's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Are you sure? How do you know?"

Canada felt his eyes fill up with tears once more. "W-well, he had a stream of blood trickling down his wrists! A-and he refused to show me and told me not to tell anyone, especially England!"

"So you came to me, instead of England?"

"Yes, I did. England would just freak out. Also, Alfie really likes you. I realized you probably feel the same when I saw you carry him in and when you kissed him on the forehead."

Russia stayed silent for a moment, letting those words sink in. Alfred likes him back? "I see. What do you want me to do?"

"Well I noticed him change a little bit slowly. He slowly ate less and less. He even looks like he lost some weight, but I think that's normal for depression. I didn't pay any attention to it, because I thought it was just his economy. But you could always keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't do anything... too drastic again."

"Da, I will keep an eye on him in the next couple of days, until we leave back to our own countries."

"Thanks Ivan."

"No problem, but for now, just let him sleep." Russia stood back up and looked at the nation who was peacefully asleep.

"Well, I will be going." Canada opened the door and nearly exited. However, for once more moment he decided to mention one more thing. "Oh Ivan. Whatever you do, don't tell Alfred that I told you. He would never forgive me." With that, Canada left leaving Russia alone with a sleeping America.

After about a hour, Russia began to feel bored and hungry. He decided to leave America for five seconds while he bought food for both of them. After all, what was the chance that America would wake up in the time that he was away?

* * *

**America's P.O.V.**

So, I woke up in my hotel room and it was super freaky. Last thing I remembered was that I was in a park bench. I was also in Ivan's bed. Panicked, I searched for the drugs that I had bought earlier. To my relief, they were still there, in my pocket. I had to be tired, considering I fell asleep...on a park bench...on Russia's shoulder. Oh god I fell asleep on Russia's shoulder.

I remembered that I was super hungry, so I sat down, just for minute, then I would go back to the hotel and act all happy because everyone always believed my façade. I felt really weak, I never felt that way before. Then Russia came along, he was so warm, comfortable, and it was totally raining! So I just happened to fall asleep on him.

Anyway, the painful feeling in my stomach returned, like way worse than it was before. Along with the weakness and dizziness. Which I knew was going to happen, because of all the research I did. Yeah, that's right, I actually did something well thought out, but that's not the point.

I tried standing up from the bed where I was placed, but as soon as I stood up, I fell straight back down on the mattress. It honestly sucked. All I wanted to do was loose weight, but I couldn't even get up. What would happen at the world meeting that would happen in three days? My head was spinning, god it was awful.

I eventually made my way to the bathroom, with a lot of struggling on my part. I decided to take off my shirt to see my progress that I have made. My heart dropped when I saw what I was. I felt bigger than before. Even though I could see my ribs and collar bone, I still felt fat. Well since I felt weak, I would go to the gym.

I placed my attention to my mutilated wrists that I had cut earlier. It honestly felt really good to release all of the pent up stress that I felt. Hey, why couldn't I do it again? I found my razor on the bathroom sink and looked back at my wrists. I still had a little bit of room.

I made sure to grab what I needed. You know, stuff like gauze, Neosporin, and the drug I bought from the Italian convenience store. Okay, they weren't drugs, but it sounds so much cooler if I say that instead of diet pills.

So, I got my razor out and put it on my arm and pressed and dragged it across my arm, hating and enjoying the exhilarating pain that it brought. I noticed the drops of blood that fell and smiled my first genuine smile in a long time. It feels better when there's blood. I winced as I noticed myself go deeper and deeper as the cuts went on. Before I knew it, my right arm was covered in cuts, and I was bleeding fairly heavily, but I didn't really care. I knew I wouldn't die, after all, I'm a nation.

I noticed my left arm was not completely covered in cuts because I still had my whole forearm. I continued to do to the left the same thing I did to the right, noticing that it was a little more sensitive. I cleaned up the red, still mostly hot blood that fell off my arm and cleaned my arm, put Neosporin on it, then put gauze over that. I didn't want Russia to know what Mattie knew.

I looked to the drugs that I had bought from the Italian store earlier. Luckily for me, it was translated in English. So I was supposed to take one, once a day. Which was totally doable. Though the bad part was that I was supposed to eat with the pill, but I totally wasn't going to do that, I needed to make more progress. I ignored the warning and swallowed the pills dry and slowly made my way back to the bed and fell back asleep.

* * *

**Normal**

Russia just finished picking up the dinner that he had bought for he and America and walked inside and discovered that America was still asleep. Deciding that is was best to wake the American for dinner, he gently shook America awake.

America woke up slowly to find Russia waking him up. "What are you doing dude? Why the hell are you waking me up? 'M tired." America rolled the other way, so his back was to Russia.

Russia giggled softly. "I brought dinner, I thought you would be hungry."

America sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I'm not though."

"We could eat together, watch television, then go to bed." Russia persisted, hoping he is wrong about the severity of America's mental illness.

"We can watch T.V. and you can totally eat, I don't mind." To America, just the thought of eating food made him queasy.

"Amerika, just eat the salad for me. It is very healthy."

'_Yeah, but I'll just throw it up later.' _"Fine bro."

They ate in silence, with Russia watching America curiously. Once they were finished, they watched a movie and went to bed. They even slept in the same bed, established by Russia, but for America, he was just too tired to care. Ever since he has started his diet, he has been so tired. However for Russia, he just hoped that he would feel if America got out of bed and for what.

Unfortunately for Russia, America left the bed without disturbing him. America shakily went to the bathroom and threw up everything his stomach needed into the toilet and flushed it. He brushed his teeth and looked back into the mirror and quietly said to himself. "Shit, he's onto me."

* * *

**A/N:** So, I actually kind of like this chapter. I feel like a made a little bit of progress with the story. So the story will go at a slightly faster pace from here on out, and it will be more graphic, as I said before. Well it's three o'clock in the morning, I'm going to bed! I hope you liked this chapter. Here are the translations and comments!

**Translations:**

Matvey-Mattie

Fredka- Alfred

Da- yes

**Comments:**

MapleTreeway: Yes, so Canada told Russia! :)

ThrowUpGuts: Thank you! This fanfiction is supposed to be simple because I find it more necessary to make sure everyone can understand rather than show my ability to use big words! I'm so glad you like it and find it easy to comprehend!

kawtharthegreat: Yes, I do love manipulating characters! Drama will only increase here. ;)! Thank you so much, I'm glad it is as awesome as Prussia!

Anon-sI: Thank you! Here is your update!


	6. A New Set Of Problems

**A/N:PLEASE READ!: **How is everyone? Anyway, so there are a few things you need to know about this chapter. **This chapter skips ahead a week**. I mentioned this several times before but here we go. This fanfiction in no way shows how to handle someone with an eating disorder. If you know someone who has an eating disorder get help immediately. Eating disorders are life threatening. Same goes with self harm. Thirdly, again, thank you so much for the reviews.

**WARNINGS: **This chapter is rated M for a reason. Cursing, drug use, self loathing, anorexia, I guess bulimia, mentions of self harm (not too graphic.) and I think that's it.

* * *

America woke up is his bed next to Russia. They had been sleeping together since that one drunk night, and quite frankly, both of the nations liked waking up with someone next to them. It was a silent agreement that worked out, and the best part was that both the nations would rather die than rather admit they like to cuddle another.

Everyday without fail, America has succeeded in not retaining a single calorie. He usually threw up, or just refused to eat. He also made sure to stay strong by working out at the hotel gym. Though Russia wouldn't leave him alone about eating. He noticed real progress on the scale, he had already lost fifteen pounds and the nations had already begun to notice, which made America extremely pleased.

He got up out of bed, blinking the persistent black spots away from his vision and started his daily routine. He walked into the bathroom and turned the light on. He grabbed his Dixie cup ad filled it with water. Then he stuck his fingers down his throat to make himself throw up. Though he could tell something was wrong immediately.

There was blood, there was blood in the toilet where he purged. Why was there blood, the websites never said anything about blood! He forced himself to calm down to prevent the risk of Russia finding out, he would be fine. All he had to do was drink some water and take his pills.

He flushed the toilet, still very scared and took his diet pills white. He drank as much water as he could and brushed his teeth. He went back to the main hotel bedroom to find Russia still peacefully sleeping. He carefully grabbed his exercise clothes and changed into them. He was fairly positive that Russia wouldn't wake up.

He exited the room holding his room key in his hand. On his way down the elevator someone came in with him. It was Britain.

"Ello America. I have not talked to you in a few days." England said, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that bro! I was totally busy!"

"Oh? With what may I ask? You have seemed rather...distant lately. Is everything okay?"

Alfred was completely surprised by his former caretaker's worry. "Geez, um thanks Iggy, but I am totally fine. I have just been busy with country stuff and so on. Ya'know how it is."

Finally, the floor that America needed came. He smiled as the doors opened. "See ya later Iggy!"

The elevator doors closed leaving a very skeptical England. "I know when that git is lying."

* * *

Russia woke up fairly late and found no one beside him. More than slightly disappointed he got dressed. One more day until the final meeting and he went back to his home in Moscow. He had just finished getting dressed when he heard the door open.

"Hello Fredka."

Belarus walked into the room looking more than slightly pissed. "Hello big brother. Why have you been hiding from my love recently?"

Russia froze in fear. "N-Natalya, hello m-my dear s-sister. I have n-not been hiding f-from you."

Belarus walked up to her older brother and hugged him. "Why did you use an affectionate term for that pig big brother?"

Russia began shaking. "I-It's a new s-strategy. H-how did y-you get in h-here without a k-key?"

She smiled and hugged Russia tighter. "I always told you that doors would never keep us apart."

"N-Natalya, please let me go!"

"Not until you marry me!"

All of the sudden a familiar Canadian walked in. "Hey um Ivan, there's something wrong with your- am I interrupting something?"

Ivan had a glimmer of hope when Canada walked in, much to Belarus' annoyance. "Nyet. please stay."

"Are you sure? Because I can come back."

Belarus glared harshly at Canada. "I will come back big brother, then we can get married!" She walked out the door, slamming it loudly behind her.

Ivan flinched at the loud noise. "What did you need Matvey?"

"I just wanted to know how my brother is doing, I haven't talked to him and tomorrow is the final world meeting before we all go back to our countries."

"He has been fine. There had been noticeable weight loss. However, I have made sure that he has been eating. Though I am unsure if he has been retaining the calories."

Not exactly what Canada wanted to hear. "So what does that mean?"

Russia layed on his bed. "Take what you must from it."

Canada was more than slightly frustrated by Russia's lack of empathy. "Do you know where he is now?"

"Nyet, but I have an idea. His excersize clothes are gone, so he is probably in the gym."

"Thanks Ivan." Matthew said, leaving the hotel room.

When Matthew left Ivan immediately got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, checking through America's belongings. Looking for any signs clues of how he could of lost had such dramatic weight loss.

He was checking quickly, almost frantically. He anticipated Belarus' return almost any moment now, and he had to leave the hotel before she came back.

Finally, he found what he was looking for, he couldn't read Italian, but luckily there was a translation in English. Why can they never have a translation in Russian? He looked through the translation and found that they were diet pills why did America need diet pills?

Russia immediately stuffed the medication into his left pocket. Canada probably thought that he wasn't worried, but the truth is, he was more worried than he has possibly ever been.

He left his hotel room with his room key, looking for a very hard to find Canadian.

* * *

Russia wasn't the only one trying to find Canada. England was also naturally worried by America's unhealthy physical change. He didn't want to voice anything at the last world meetings, but he knew something was off.

He was relieved when he found Alfred aimlessly wondering around the hall. "America!" He called.

Canada was excited when he heard his brother's name called. However when he saw England was looking at him, he sighed. Can people really not tell the difference?

England walked up to Canada. "America, you need to explain yourself this instant!"

Canada let out another lengthy sigh. "I'm not America, I'm his brother Canada."

England looked rather embarrassed about his mistake, even though he does is all of the time. "You do look like America from far away you know. Have you seen him around? I saw him get off of the elevator in the dining room, however her wasn't in the dining areas or in the kitchen."

"Did you check the exercise room?" Canada asked, hopeful.

England rubbed the back if his head. "No, I must confess that I didn't think if it. Now that you mention it, he was wearing baggy clothing."

Canada rolled his eyes. "Do you want to come with me to check?"

England nodded, "That would be lovely. That git needs to be checked up on."

Canada nodded and pushed the elevator 'up' button and both of the nations went in. They pressed the right floor number to the gym, something not feeling right in their stomachs.

The walked across the long hall and looked in the window to the exercise room. What they saw in that room is something that they will never forget.

* * *

**A/N:**Hi everyone! Okay, um so can we pretend that this isn't super late? I hope everyone is still reading this. I was super busy. I know that isn't really an excuse. My sister came home from college from a month in Spain, so I was speaking almost nothing but Spanish to her. I hope I didn't use any Spanish grammar in there. Also, school is starting again! Ugh, not ready to start 10th grade! I took almost all Advanced Placement classes. So, I hope I can start updating every week. I'm not going to do translations.  


**Comments:**

MapleTreeway: I am sorry! Here, have a cookie! *hands cookie*

Guest: I guess it is! XD

gintama200: I was planning for England to find out anyway, so you asked at a perfect time!

YaoiloverXD: Thank you so much, and here is your update!

Guest: I should update sooner than what it took me this time, because I kinda left you guys in a tricky spot.

¡Hasta luego!~


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